What a wonderful Christmas!!!
I have to say, this was the best one in a long time. Both kids were fantastic and got presents they really seemed to enjoy. Mike and I didn't really exchange gifts, we haven't for a few years because we feel like we would enjoy the money more if we spend it on the kids. But we did little stuff for one another all the same and it felt nice and cozy. My aunt and uncle stayed with us and they are fun houseguests! I finally decided on knitting a fishtail fan scarf pattern for my aunt with a really nice hand-dyed Italian wool and it turned out extremely well! I have obscenely high standards for myself but this time I actually met them and I hope it looks as nice as I think it does. She really seemed to like it. If she's not careful I'll have to knit her something else next year.
We had 13 people over for dinner; I am one very obsessed and neurotic hostess but this year it went very smoothly. (Except for one point when I began picking up flecks of mud off the floor and saying loudly, "Somebody's got mud in their shoes! Somebody's got mud in their shoes!" But hey, it's Christmas, they expect that from me.)
I also gave the family a present just from me to thank them for helping me get back to work. We are going to Kalahari Water Park! It is a phenomenal indoor water park and I know the kids are going to have a blast. I also want to make sure the kids see some kind of tangible benefit to helping me get back to work. Of course, after all the gifts were opened I made the big announcement. "Because of all the help you've given me, I'm taking you to Kalahari!!" Even though I explained what it was, both kids looked at me blankly with that "she's talking again, I wonder why she does that" look they get and then turned back to whatever they were looking at to begin with. But comprehension will dawn and pictures will be posted.
My in-laws come on Friday. Even though I blog only for imaginary friends I will be proud to point out that my in-laws are wonderful and very supportive. The kids look forward to seeing them and a good time is had by all.
So that's my holiday! If anyone actually reads this they should post a comment. I am even considering trying to draw traffic to my blog, but then people would read it, and have opinions, and might hate it. So therapy is apparently in order.
Have a very Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Oh, the Guilt!
Well, I went and did it last week - I went back to work three partial days per week and I'm sorry to say I enjoyed myself immensely.
Keep in mind, I am doing three 5.5 hour days per week and some vicarious e-mail and form-filling-outness at home. I can't exceed 20 hours per week (and get paid for it, anyway). This is a teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy work schedule, people! Once upon a time I was the mega-work, 50 hour per week speed demon. Why do I feel like these days are these huge blocks of missed time? What is wrong with me?!?! What about all the women who have to work, who have to be gone 12 hours every day in order for people to eat? And as long as we're talking about it, what's the deal with me not being satisfied as a housewife? So many women are, am I not appropriately appreciating my children because I want to go out and work? Yikes. What a head case! I guess being at work feels like more of a luxury for me. I feel selfish, like this is a decision that benefits me alone instead of the entire family.
It's the kids. As long as they are happy and doing okay, I am fine. But on the mornings when I tell Alex he's going to the babysitter and he says, "Not today!" or when Elizabeth demands I quit my job so I can be home in the event she breaks her leg at school, I feel like something I peeled off the bottom of my shoe. And at the same time I'm kind of impressed with my own resolve. "Too bad, guys," I think. "We've got places to go..."
This morning I actually breathed a sigh of relief once I had dropped everyone off at their respective places. (And promptly swore loudly when I realized I was halfway to work and had forgotten to take the garbage out. Hate that.)
And when I get to work I feel so great! I have clients again, people who might eventually need me for something once they get to know me. I get to deal with knotty, shades-of-grey problems where you only know the right answer six months after you make the decision. I'm working with people I've known for years and haven't seen in forever, it feels like coming home! So eventually this will have to work for everyone. I know it will sort itself out but I feel horribly selfish in the meantime.
I'm not giving the kids everything, I'm not giving the job everything. I guess I'm spending enough time at each one to be mediocre at both. Cool, huh?
Keep in mind, I am doing three 5.5 hour days per week and some vicarious e-mail and form-filling-outness at home. I can't exceed 20 hours per week (and get paid for it, anyway). This is a teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy work schedule, people! Once upon a time I was the mega-work, 50 hour per week speed demon. Why do I feel like these days are these huge blocks of missed time? What is wrong with me?!?! What about all the women who have to work, who have to be gone 12 hours every day in order for people to eat? And as long as we're talking about it, what's the deal with me not being satisfied as a housewife? So many women are, am I not appropriately appreciating my children because I want to go out and work? Yikes. What a head case! I guess being at work feels like more of a luxury for me. I feel selfish, like this is a decision that benefits me alone instead of the entire family.
It's the kids. As long as they are happy and doing okay, I am fine. But on the mornings when I tell Alex he's going to the babysitter and he says, "Not today!" or when Elizabeth demands I quit my job so I can be home in the event she breaks her leg at school, I feel like something I peeled off the bottom of my shoe. And at the same time I'm kind of impressed with my own resolve. "Too bad, guys," I think. "We've got places to go..."
This morning I actually breathed a sigh of relief once I had dropped everyone off at their respective places. (And promptly swore loudly when I realized I was halfway to work and had forgotten to take the garbage out. Hate that.)
And when I get to work I feel so great! I have clients again, people who might eventually need me for something once they get to know me. I get to deal with knotty, shades-of-grey problems where you only know the right answer six months after you make the decision. I'm working with people I've known for years and haven't seen in forever, it feels like coming home! So eventually this will have to work for everyone. I know it will sort itself out but I feel horribly selfish in the meantime.
I'm not giving the kids everything, I'm not giving the job everything. I guess I'm spending enough time at each one to be mediocre at both. Cool, huh?
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